Jeff Westcott: Heya Tim, did I catch you at a bad time?
Tim Allen: Not at all Jeff--you caught me at a burger time.
JW: Oh, are you cooking burgers or something?
TA: Choo-choo! All aboard the BBQ express!
JW: Listen Tim, I need to talk to you about a job.
TA: The Santa Clause 4? I'll do it.
JW: No Tim. Not The Santa Clause 4.
TA: What, script troubles? If you want I can send over some of my notes. I've had some really interesting ideas about-
JW: Tim, no, please just listen. This is a serious script. Meaty. I think it could do wonders for you.
TA: Oh okay okay, I like it. I like where this is going. So what's the story? Do I turn into some kind of a bear?
JW: What? no.
TA: Do I unexpectedly morph into a troll on my wedding night?
JW: A troll? No Tim. There's no morphing.
TA: So it happens all of a sudden? I like what I'm hearing--that's definitely taking it to the next level.
JW: I'm sorry Tim, but I don't think you're understanding me. There's no shapeshifting of any kind.
TA: Not even something small, like growing elf ears? That could be good--nice and subtle.
JW: No Tim, no elf ears.
TA: Fangs?
JW: No.
TA: Little wings on my ankles like the ones Submariner has?
JW: Absolutely not.
TA: Okay okay, what about a beard-
JW: okay, maybe--
TA: -made of serpents?
JW: No! Tim, no serpent beards. Look, this is a serious dramatic role. You play a recovering alcoholic who makes a pilgrimage to Ireland to see his dying father one last time.
TA: I thought you said no elf ears.
JW: You're probably thinking of leprechauns, not elves, and they don't really exist.
TA: ...
JW: You there Tim?
TA: Yeah I'm here. It's just... I don't know if I can take a part that doesn't involve a comic physical transformation.
JW: Tim, are you in the house?
TA: On the deck.
JW: Okay, I want you to go inside to a bathroom.
TA: But I don't have to-
JW: Just do it Tim, I'm your agent.
TA: Alright...
JW: You there?
TA: Yeah I'm in the bathroom.
JW: Okay, now take a look in the mirror. You looking?
TA: Yes.
JW: Who do you see?
TA: What? I don't--
JW: WHO DO YOU SEE?!
TA: Me! I see me! I see... Tim.
JW: Are you sure? Take a closer look.
TA: It still looks like me, Jeff.
JW: You sure it doesn't look like Roger Callaghan, six months sober?
TA: Oh my god, you're right, it does!
JW: You better call a cab, Roger, your flight's in an hour.
TA: Thank you Jeff. You're the best. I'll do it.
3 comments:
Im LOLing all over myself right now.
This is great Gabe! Are you refering to thought field therapist Roger Callaghan or the other Roger Callaghan? Keep up the good work.
ps: I deleted the other comment just to add some humorous italics. Sorry.
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