Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Lesser Known Mythological Creatures
The Clam King
Bagelthor
Solarion Horowitz, Tax Attorney Of The Sun
Andre Agassi Made Of Fire
Nibbles
Bagelthor
Solarion Horowitz, Tax Attorney Of The Sun
Andre Agassi Made Of Fire
Nibbles
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
From The Amigo Files: Police Cat
I'm in this, as the guy who cleans the car windshield and the guy who takes condiments out of his pockets.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Some Great Ideas
Panic Attack Submarine (idea by Jay)
This is a reality television series in which 8-12 people who suffer from panic attacks live and work together on a submarine.
Fixins Mule (idea by Jason)
This one's pretty self-explanatory. It's a mule that emerges from saloon-style swinging doors at a restaurant to serve fixins to customers--kind of like a moving, breathing salad bar. The mule has saddlebags which hold the various fixins, and wears a sombrero filled with chips. This is a great idea because it is both entertaining and efficient. Not to be confused with Condiment Hawk.
Intelligent Cat (idea by me)
This one takes a pretty good thing--a cat--and makes it even better by making it not so annoying.
This is a reality television series in which 8-12 people who suffer from panic attacks live and work together on a submarine.
Fixins Mule (idea by Jason)
This one's pretty self-explanatory. It's a mule that emerges from saloon-style swinging doors at a restaurant to serve fixins to customers--kind of like a moving, breathing salad bar. The mule has saddlebags which hold the various fixins, and wears a sombrero filled with chips. This is a great idea because it is both entertaining and efficient. Not to be confused with Condiment Hawk.
Intelligent Cat (idea by me)
This one takes a pretty good thing--a cat--and makes it even better by making it not so annoying.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Historical Jams, Part I
Versailles, France
1778
To celebrate the birth of his first child, Louis XVI throws a costume party. After hors d'oeuvres and champagne are served, one of Marie Antoinette's ladies-in-waiting presents the royal couple with a jar of imported quince preserve that has been improperly sealed. Upon opening the gift a foul odor fills the hall, inciting a rumor that the Queen has farted and planting a seed of discontent amongst the people of Versailles
Athens, Greece
450 BC
A young Socrates enters his homemade fig jam in the local fair. He places a disappointing third, and in a fit of rage vows to dedicate his life to the pursuit of knowledge and the betterment of his community. He also invents that carnival game where you hit a sensor with a sledgehammer and try to make the bell ring
The Garden of Eden
Beginning of time
After eating from the tree of knowledge, Adam and Eve decide to use their leftovers to make a scrumptious apple jelly. It stimulates their minds so much that they invent the concept we now know as 'imagination'
1778
To celebrate the birth of his first child, Louis XVI throws a costume party. After hors d'oeuvres and champagne are served, one of Marie Antoinette's ladies-in-waiting presents the royal couple with a jar of imported quince preserve that has been improperly sealed. Upon opening the gift a foul odor fills the hall, inciting a rumor that the Queen has farted and planting a seed of discontent amongst the people of Versailles
Athens, Greece
450 BC
A young Socrates enters his homemade fig jam in the local fair. He places a disappointing third, and in a fit of rage vows to dedicate his life to the pursuit of knowledge and the betterment of his community. He also invents that carnival game where you hit a sensor with a sledgehammer and try to make the bell ring
The Garden of Eden
Beginning of time
After eating from the tree of knowledge, Adam and Eve decide to use their leftovers to make a scrumptious apple jelly. It stimulates their minds so much that they invent the concept we now know as 'imagination'
Monday, June 4, 2007
Professions Clint Eastwood Would Be Good At
Welder
White House Press Secretary
Drive-Thru Window Operator
Horse-Puncher
Sandpaper Substitute
White House Press Secretary
Drive-Thru Window Operator
Horse-Puncher
Sandpaper Substitute
Professions Clint Eastwood Would Be Bad At
Babysitter
Child Psychologist
Repertory Dance Company Choreographer
Flight Attendant
Tennis Ball Boy
Someone Whose Job It Is To Lose Shootouts
Midwife
Child Psychologist
Repertory Dance Company Choreographer
Flight Attendant
Tennis Ball Boy
Someone Whose Job It Is To Lose Shootouts
Midwife
Friday, June 1, 2007
QRAD FM Radio: Primetime with Phil Landry
Phil Landry: Hey ho hip hey! I'm here with Marcus Marcus, world-famous magician and illusionist. Mr. Marcus was kind enough to come on our show before he performs tonight at the United Nations. Mr. Marcus, before we get to the magic, what's it like performing for the most powerful people in the world?
Marcus Marcus: Well I haven't performed in front of a self-portal--what you know as a "mirror"--so I wouldn't know.
PL: Haha, fair enough Mr. Marcus. How did you get your start in this field?
MM: On the thirteenth anniversary of my entrance into this realm, I participated in a spiritual ceremony that filled me with powers I had until then only dreamed of.
PL: You were bar-mitzvahed?
MM: That's right.
PL: Now, one more thing before you demonstrate your craft--you've gone on record saying that you use no gadgetry or props when you perform.
MM: Only these.
PL: For our listeners, Mr. Marcus is holding up his hands.
MM: They can open doors--
PL: Of course they can Mr.--
MM: --to other worlds.
PL: Oh... I see. Well shall we get started?
MM: Yes, let's. Here, take this 19th century French Sabre.
PL: Oh wow, what a beauty.
MM: Now cut my hand off.
PL: Haha, I don't think so Mr. Marcus.
MM: Cut it off, Phil Landry. Cut my hand off with the sword.
PL: No no, I couldn't possibly-
MM: There is fear in your heart, I can tell.
PL: Haha, just fear of a lawsuit Mr. Marcus. And maiming you.
MM: Cut it off now!
PL: Alright, alright! Here I go... DEAR GOD! This is unbelievable! Folks, I can barely believe my eyes, but I'm now holding Mr. Marcus hand, and the sword is where is hand should be!
MM: Oh jeez, oh no.
PL: What? Man, this is unreal!
MM: Sweet mercy this is really not what I meant to do.
PL: Oh wow, wow! Now the hand is running around the room! How'd you do that?!
MM: No Phil Landry! This is all wrong! It was a fake hand and you were supposed to cut it off! This is really, really bad.
PL: All I can say is bravo, Mr. Marcus. Bravo. I just wish our listeners at home could have seen this. I mean wow. Nuts.
MM: It hurts so much, Phil Landry. It hurts where the sword is coming out of my wrist.
PL: Haha, you're too much Mr. Marcus. Thanks for coming on the show.
MM: Oh great, my hand just ran into a paper shredder. I'm not even sure why you need a paper shredder in a radio studio. Fuck.
Marcus Marcus: Well I haven't performed in front of a self-portal--what you know as a "mirror"--so I wouldn't know.
PL: Haha, fair enough Mr. Marcus. How did you get your start in this field?
MM: On the thirteenth anniversary of my entrance into this realm, I participated in a spiritual ceremony that filled me with powers I had until then only dreamed of.
PL: You were bar-mitzvahed?
MM: That's right.
PL: Now, one more thing before you demonstrate your craft--you've gone on record saying that you use no gadgetry or props when you perform.
MM: Only these.
PL: For our listeners, Mr. Marcus is holding up his hands.
MM: They can open doors--
PL: Of course they can Mr.--
MM: --to other worlds.
PL: Oh... I see. Well shall we get started?
MM: Yes, let's. Here, take this 19th century French Sabre.
PL: Oh wow, what a beauty.
MM: Now cut my hand off.
PL: Haha, I don't think so Mr. Marcus.
MM: Cut it off, Phil Landry. Cut my hand off with the sword.
PL: No no, I couldn't possibly-
MM: There is fear in your heart, I can tell.
PL: Haha, just fear of a lawsuit Mr. Marcus. And maiming you.
MM: Cut it off now!
PL: Alright, alright! Here I go... DEAR GOD! This is unbelievable! Folks, I can barely believe my eyes, but I'm now holding Mr. Marcus hand, and the sword is where is hand should be!
MM: Oh jeez, oh no.
PL: What? Man, this is unreal!
MM: Sweet mercy this is really not what I meant to do.
PL: Oh wow, wow! Now the hand is running around the room! How'd you do that?!
MM: No Phil Landry! This is all wrong! It was a fake hand and you were supposed to cut it off! This is really, really bad.
PL: All I can say is bravo, Mr. Marcus. Bravo. I just wish our listeners at home could have seen this. I mean wow. Nuts.
MM: It hurts so much, Phil Landry. It hurts where the sword is coming out of my wrist.
PL: Haha, you're too much Mr. Marcus. Thanks for coming on the show.
MM: Oh great, my hand just ran into a paper shredder. I'm not even sure why you need a paper shredder in a radio studio. Fuck.
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