Lesser Known Mythological Creatures

The Clam King
Bagelthor
Solarion Horowitz, Tax Attorney Of The Sun
Andre Agassi Made Of Fire
Nibbles

Professions Clint Eastwood Would Be Good At

Welder
White House Press Secretary
Drive-Thru Window Operator
Horse-Puncher
Sandpaper Substitute

Professions Clint Eastwood Would Be Bad At

Babysitter
Child Psychologist
Repertory Dance Company Choreographer
Flight Attendant
Tennis Ball Boy
Someone Whose Job It Is To Lose Shootouts
Midwife

Programs I Watched On TV During My Flight From LA To NY And Whether Or Not They Made Me Cry

Two and a Half Men: No
How I Met Your Mother: No
David Letterman Interview Segment: No
Bridge To Terabithia: Yes
Wings: No

Planets I'd Like To Visit

Earth-2
The Moon
Planet Hollywood
Jupiter

Rejected Carnival Attractions

Guess Your Favorite Baywatch Character
Frog Toss
Lester's Underwater Snake Pit
The Hot Dog Kingdom
Wrestle-A-Giraffe
The Hand That Rocks The Cradle: The Ride
"Axe Town"
The Hoagie That Time Forgot
Ned Franklin's '87 Chevy Pick-Up

Crepe Restaurants I'd Like To See

You're Full Of Crepe
I Don't Need This Crepe
Planet Of The Crepes
Beneath The Planet Of The Crepes
Crepe Scott!
Big Smelly Crepes
Date Crepe
The Crepe Whistle
Bugsy's Joint

Like Father, Like Son

Questions I asked my dad while we watched his favorite show, 'House'

1. What exactly is House's job?
2. Why is everyone so good-looking?
3. What kind of hospital is this? Is it even a hospital?
4. How could House say something like that to a patient and not get immediately fired and/or sued?
5. Why does everyone keep giving House drugs?
6. Why wasn't House fired long, long ago?

Answers I received

1. I'm not sure
2. A few people aren't good-looking
3. I don't know
4. This show has such good writers
5. Something about his leg
6. When people go into hospitals now, they ask for a doctor like House

Observation I Made This Morning, In The Order That I Made Them

1) The multivitamins I take make my pee bright yellow.
2) My shower drains very slowly.

by Berg (check out his new site, PoliceCat!)

Soapbox Speeches I'd Like To See

Town Hall has been on fire for three weeks now, and it’s time we did something about it

Whoever has been putting their Burger King trash under my Jeep's windshield wipers--please stop

I can sweep a floor clean faster than a vacuum cleaner, and I will prove it next week at noon sharp in the town square if it kills me

What this city needs is a Ruby Tuesdays and less crime

Guitar Hero at my place this Friday. If people are into it we can order some pizza or we can just play it by ear

The rumors you’ve been hearing are true—anything Ned Simmons in accounting touches turns to gold

The town time machine has been repaired

Soap Operas I'd Like To See

Tough Street
Emotion Town
Lebron’s Aviary
Deafening Whispers
Prognosis: Tragedy
Mannheim Avenue
The Den (about good-looking teenagers who live in an opium den in Greenwich, Connecticut)
Miracle Storm

Soaps I'd Like To See

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
Buckminster Fuller
"The Zone"
Lemon Hibiscus Mist
Essence of Tiger Cub
Ghostbusters
Lavender Waterfall
Ancient Indian Burial Grounds
Pepperoni Pizza